a preconceived notion?

Life sometimes seems so toppled when you’re suddenly given the information that all this while, all you thought you knew was just a ‘misconception’ and the truth slowly unfolds in front of you. You realize that all your ideals and speeches about ‘I have no regrets about how anything in my life turned out’ seem so fake and unreal. That is exactly how I felt yesterday when I spoke to L. It started out just as any normal conversation that I had been having with him for the past few months but I was soon to know that this one would change the way I looked at everything-life, love, friendship, relationships, and the world as a whole. What came to me yesterday was a fact that I have hated to accept ever since I started to have sense. I alienated people when I felt that either they had done me wrong or vice-versa. I always put a mask in front of me and never let anyone into that other world which I call my own. All that is true but yesterday, I didn’t realize; no, yesterday I learnt. I learnt that all the mistakes I made were because of me. There was no way that I could shift the blame onto anyone else. It was time I pulled the skeletons out of my closet, looked at them, analyze them and then got over them.

This morning I opened my eyes hoping that I all I got to know yesterday was just a dream but….no….it was not! It was time to rise up to the occasion and face my mistakes. It was time to grow up and face reality which is that I never know what people really want from me when they start talking to me. Are they looking for someone to kill time with? Is it really because I’m fun? Is it because I do things for them without even thinking twice? What? What was it? I tried and tried to figure it out but to no avail. I’m still thinking though but you know what I just realized- I’ll never know and that’s what makes me……Me! I’m just plain ol’ naïve me who does not know what to expect from people and lets face it- a really poor judge of character.

I always think I know people really well after I’ve known them for a while when frankly speaking …. I sometimes have no clue what they are all about. I think I know what’s best for me when really I don’t. Adding to that I hardly ever…..actually never listen to people who are really trying to help me-no….. I just stick to the ‘misconception’ that I know what is best for me.

And that’s when it hits me……misconceptions will always be there but you should let it justify itself or give the person on the other side a chance to really tell you what has actually happened or you will just end up like me- a person who lived with a preconceived notion or what normal people who don’t justify everything call it- A Misconception!