listening and hearing

i was once asked by someone really special about why i found it hard to express my real feelings without giving a damn about what other people thought! at that point in time i really had no idea what the hell she was actually saying but years later when i sit thinking about it i realise now that maybe i should have paid more attention.

i was once asked by someone really special about why i found it so hard to speak the truth and believe in it with full conviction! at that point of time i knew that i wasnt going to pay any attention to this lecture but years later when i sit thinking i realise that i should have really listened and not just heard.

i was told by a really smart person who i had known for about 5 minutes before he told me this- "there is always a difference with listening and hearing!" i argued all the way but gave up towards the end when all he said was this- "if you had listened and not just heard what i said you would have won this argument! i was just spinning words to prove a point!"

My Silver Lining

2000-2005:
A normal day! Running around a crowded class-room; following friends to busy lab sessions; hiding in the library; peering and peeking from the big windows; leaving gifts in desks on birthdays; fighting over movies, music, food, football!!! Fun-times! 5 years of spending time with people who are on the same wave-length as you. Making friends for a life-time!

2005-2009:
It was one of those usual days when i was sitting around with nothing to do when i suddenly had the urge to talk to someone i could just blabber to and not make any sense and that wouldnt matter either. But its me we are talking about... nothing comes easy! I decided to call AAK. Dialed and then answered and for the first time in the 9 years that i have known him- the weridest thing happened- i was brushed aside- not intentionally but still done! I hung up not knowing what to do or say! Me- the biggest chatter-box of all times was silenced for the first time and why... because i havent moved on with time and i failed to notice that my friends had! I just took it for granted that they were all just where i was- back in time where probabaly i had happiness and everybody had time for everyone. The last time we had a serious discussion I realised that i had never really stuck by him through anything. Not that i didnt want to ...but i was lost myself to really help anyone else. But come to think of it now- I really wish that i had atleast been brave enough to support! There have been times since that day and before that day as well when I landed up cursing myself for being the person that I am. Its true what they say - Its difficult letting go of the people you love and for me- as much as i hate admitting it- im not that gud with sharing as well! But then it strikes me- people are not possessions to be shared or called your own! At some point of time they all will have to move on!

PRESENT TIME:
Im not worried that distance will seperate me from my friends! For now i dont have many things to be happy about but i know one thing for sure- taken from my favorite-John Mayer- The circle of your friends defend the silver lining. They are the only people that i look for ward to for happiness and no brushing off will make me let go! It was unintentional and im keeping it that way. I have to accept that there will always be people other than me in my friends' lives! Its time to move on and make a mark for myself. I live with the optimism that some day from now i will be closer to them in heart and distance. Some day from now I will be one with them again...