Saturday, February 16, 2013

Room no:62 - happenings, secrets and hushed sniggers

there's fun in the small world of secrets and hushed discussions. Those intimate conversations that trigger a sly smile that forms on one's lips when you step out of the door. It never lets go of you. The confession of liking someone. The anger and wanting to kill someone. The silent green eyed monster that comes creeping out when no one's looking. The whispers of changes that want to be seen. The values learnt unintentionally through experiences shared. The look that comes with stealing the last biscuit. The look of fear that plays when you have broken something you shouldn't have touched. The shushing. The giggles. The stories that are served over cups of coffee and home-made food.

Bliss has a meaning of its own. Mine comes from the warmth that one feels when one is confided in. When someone shares a piece of what is theirs with me. Some knowledge changes your outlook on things. Some knowledge passes you by in the fleeting way it came. Some knowledge makes you wonder what you were doing till the day you knew it. and some knowledge- it just changes your life.

I always thought I would be the same person that I was when I walked into SBAAU. Turns out- I couldn't have been more wrong. It true what people say about how you appreciate the best things in life when you can reach them no more. Home-made food. Long phone calls in the middle of the night. Long walks. Shopping sprees. Being able to hold a friend's hand in the time of a crisis. and Secrets. Secrets that cannot be shared over an expensive ISD phone call or a hurried e-mail.
I miss being able to sit down in between friends and family. Listen to them talk and just watch the way they react.

But then I think of malayalam conversations Meera and me have about the crazy elephant lady and how no one but us gets it. I think of running to Abi itha and making sure that the decisions I make are right. I think of Nazneen jiji and how I can never find anything without her- my compass.

Life is different now. I've got a hang of the loneliness. But I still move through life like someone in their sleep. I refuse to use my brain for anything wise- it falls flat on students. But i wade along. There are times when I hit the occasional rash wave. But I move on. Putting one foot in front of the other. Baby steps.

As for secrets- when was there ever a dearth of them?
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