Alive.Flawed.Human.

It’s funny how we are always surrounded by people…and yet the sense of loneliness just gets to you. You try to stop it. You try to resist it. You try to fight it. You try to ignore it. And finally when it just does not go away… You accept it.

It’s like some people find it difficult to share a chocolate with somebody else. Some want to and cant because they don’t have anyone to share it with. Some just give up eating the chocolate. As for some, after a point of time the chocolate has no taste. You can feed and feed…but it will make no taste bud on your tongue tingle.

Life puts you through various tests. The idea is to see if you will survive.
I choose to and therefore I will.

Nothing will suck out the optimism that lies deeply imbedded in both me and my inner consciousness that I neither know much about nor am oblivious to its existence.

I am what I am and that’s all what I am.
Im not good. Im not evil.
Im plain ol' me.
Alive.Flawed.Human.

28 February 2010

A strong gush of wind. a horde of people clustered in a narrow corridor around a tiny little child that lay there.Red-wine like substance all around him. Gasping for air. Sipping on water. He drew his last breath. An image that will never leave my eyes.He passed away last night. I didnt know him and now I will never know him either.

At the end of it all... what will remain with me is the vacant expression in his childlike eyes. The eyes that will never see the dawn of the morning sun again...never again.

But I will say this... wherever you are...I, like all the others...hope your'e happy. Content with the life you have led.

HV-forever and for always!

I have been putting this off for too long…but I think its time now to let the world know about a certain someone who within the past few months has created an incredible effect on my life that I myself find it funny to really acknowledge the fact that someone can mean so much to you. I never really thought that we would keep in touch after that fateful meeting but we did! After that if ever I needed to cry or to bitch about something or just for the sake of talking to someone he was always there- unconditionally!
This post is a dedication to HV for always being my rock! I owe you big time! And yes…it might just sound cliché but I really have no words to express the amount of gratitude I have. Thank you and I hope we stay friends for life!

listening and hearing

i was once asked by someone really special about why i found it hard to express my real feelings without giving a damn about what other people thought! at that point in time i really had no idea what the hell she was actually saying but years later when i sit thinking about it i realise now that maybe i should have paid more attention.

i was once asked by someone really special about why i found it so hard to speak the truth and believe in it with full conviction! at that point of time i knew that i wasnt going to pay any attention to this lecture but years later when i sit thinking i realise that i should have really listened and not just heard.

i was told by a really smart person who i had known for about 5 minutes before he told me this- "there is always a difference with listening and hearing!" i argued all the way but gave up towards the end when all he said was this- "if you had listened and not just heard what i said you would have won this argument! i was just spinning words to prove a point!"

My Silver Lining

2000-2005:
A normal day! Running around a crowded class-room; following friends to busy lab sessions; hiding in the library; peering and peeking from the big windows; leaving gifts in desks on birthdays; fighting over movies, music, food, football!!! Fun-times! 5 years of spending time with people who are on the same wave-length as you. Making friends for a life-time!

2005-2009:
It was one of those usual days when i was sitting around with nothing to do when i suddenly had the urge to talk to someone i could just blabber to and not make any sense and that wouldnt matter either. But its me we are talking about... nothing comes easy! I decided to call AAK. Dialed and then answered and for the first time in the 9 years that i have known him- the weridest thing happened- i was brushed aside- not intentionally but still done! I hung up not knowing what to do or say! Me- the biggest chatter-box of all times was silenced for the first time and why... because i havent moved on with time and i failed to notice that my friends had! I just took it for granted that they were all just where i was- back in time where probabaly i had happiness and everybody had time for everyone. The last time we had a serious discussion I realised that i had never really stuck by him through anything. Not that i didnt want to ...but i was lost myself to really help anyone else. But come to think of it now- I really wish that i had atleast been brave enough to support! There have been times since that day and before that day as well when I landed up cursing myself for being the person that I am. Its true what they say - Its difficult letting go of the people you love and for me- as much as i hate admitting it- im not that gud with sharing as well! But then it strikes me- people are not possessions to be shared or called your own! At some point of time they all will have to move on!

PRESENT TIME:
Im not worried that distance will seperate me from my friends! For now i dont have many things to be happy about but i know one thing for sure- taken from my favorite-John Mayer- The circle of your friends defend the silver lining. They are the only people that i look for ward to for happiness and no brushing off will make me let go! It was unintentional and im keeping it that way. I have to accept that there will always be people other than me in my friends' lives! Its time to move on and make a mark for myself. I live with the optimism that some day from now i will be closer to them in heart and distance. Some day from now I will be one with them again...

My '25'.

Before I go to bed today I thought I would just write down something that was asked of me by a friend and for starters...as usual…I’m sorry that this is coming so late!

Ok for most people who think you know me... you don’t! So... 25 random things about me...

1) The most important thing in my life is my family. I adore my Brother, have great regard and respect for my Dad and just absolutely love my Mom.

2) I love the rains! And I actually prefer crying in the rain... no one really asks why your eyes are red then. But on a more serious note... I love the feel of the prick on a rain drop on your face when you’re driving in the rain.

3) I hate any other flavor for ice-cream except chocolate. I pride myself on being the best choser of ice-creams at BR.

4) I'm a complete romantic. I could spend an entire day reading crappy, cheesy, sleazy romantic novels about some drama queen who couldn’t find her shoe!

5) I love Sit-Com's! From the ones with class to the ones that make no sense at all... I can watch them all!!!

6) I love the color Blue! Anything that color makes me feel nice on the inside and it’s the same feeling with White too! And yes...black makes me look fat and white makes me look thin! That’s exactly how topsy-turvy things are!

7) If I had one wish...I would wish that my life was a Fairy- Tale! I absolutely love fairy tales and know almost every single one of them by heart and I'm also one of the biggest fans of Disney!

8) I detest cooking! I don’t understand how you can spend an entire day slogging your ass off and then eat all that you just made! Weird!

9) I hated reading books but the recent few years have shown me that the saying is true- ' A book can be your best friend'. After all it shows you exactly what you want to see. How would anyone not like it!

10) I love my palate and absolutely relish food... that other people make! I love spicy food...it should bring a tear to your eye and make your nose wrinkle!

11) I'm a complete movie-holic! I can watch any movie under the sun but I like the romantic- comedies best and if I really like the movie I can watch it like a million times and still not get bored.

12) I know it will be contradicting if I say that I get bored fast… but Trust me I do! Movies and ice cream are probably the only things I don’t tire of but everything else is there!

13) I love being in the spotlight. It’s a completely new feeling every time you win something or when you are No.1! As for me...No.1 is most important!

14) Dairy milk- without nuts or anything in it is my most favorite chocolate. I hate white chocolate...C'mon...chocolate is brown for Gods sake!

15) I am one of the best liars the world has seen and believe me...its not like people don’t ask me if I'm in the right profession or not!

16) I'm a window shoppaholic! I love going in with a bunch of friends, trying on some stuff and then walking out without buying anything. Its awesome fun! I have references!

17) I have the General Knowledge of a 'pea'. I cant stand anything that has anything to do with politics and besides there is nothing to read in the papers these days except who bombed who... c'mon... either do something to stop it or completely shut up!

18) I'm the most indecisive person you can find! I 'm just really confused always and can’t stand more than 2 choices. If there are 3 I just run like the wind!

19) I love poetry. Anything that has a jingle to it is good for me.

20) I'm 0% ‘not’ photogenic! Most of times u don’t find me in photos because I’m hiding from the camera and if I’m in the photo then I either look like a Hispanic or my teeth are just sticking out!

21) Which brings me to point 21- I'm very conscious about my teeth? I have weird teeth! For those bothering to read these…don’t stare at my teeth to check the next time I meet you.

22) I love sun signs! I'm Aquarius for all those who don’t know and I just have to read the papers every morning to find out what’s in my horoscope for the day! That is after I read the entertainment page and the Editorial page- if the topic interests me!

23) I can’t stand roses. I'm more of the Daisies girl. I love long walks especially when walking on the beach- chappals in one hand and sand running through your feet. The feeling always brings out a sense of happiness in me. I love Sun, Sand and Sea.

24) Three things that could make me cry of happiness- the feeling of ice on my tongue; pani puri- i just love the crackling sound in my mouth and the old numbers that remind me of the dances I danced for at the socials in school!

And yes....finally the one…the only...No.25

25) I believe that by saying that I’m different and I’m unique and I’m not like the rest of 'em just makes you one among the people who are saying that they are different and your still part of a crowd!

And trust me...that’s one big crowd!
Cheers!
Ciao.

M.C.C.

one-side love... mobiles ons silent mode... bus stand comedies... escape from seminars... last period cuts... birthday treats... last minute preparations... over night study for the next day exam... friend's family functions... internal marks problems... mass bunk for a film... eager wait for feb 14th... shortage of pocket money and attendance... fights...tears...debates... conversation classes... stupid crushes... noisy lunchtimes... political strikes... irritating watchman... one day tours... fashion shows... centenary celebrations... department events... strict and unstrict teachers... gangs...


this is what im taking back from the 100 year old lady-Malabar Christian College. As i walked to the bus stop today i realised that even though i hate accepting the fact... i might just miss this god-forsaken place! and why...i wish i had just one reason!